I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
