Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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