tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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