I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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