Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
