..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
