i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
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I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
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He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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