we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
