Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Dick very happy bro
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
