textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
