Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
