Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
