He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
