I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
