If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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