see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
