Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
