I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
