oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
