He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Randomize
