She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
