Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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