i already hear my dad disowning me
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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