I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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