cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
