have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
