went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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