you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We just shotgunned beers for America
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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