So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
