omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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