I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I am naked and annoyed.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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