My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
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The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
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Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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