just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
