You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
