ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
