Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
