Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
