Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
