White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
