there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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