just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
