i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
