Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
