i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Randomize
