Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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