At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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