I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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