she woke up with a sticky ear
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
