Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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