girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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