Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
