I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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