btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
