i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
