he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
