Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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