My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize