Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
