I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
