I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
you never un-have a 4some
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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