In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
