so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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