So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
