Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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