I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
