my shit smells like andre
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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