I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just blew my weed a kiss
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
