Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
