if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
