There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
