I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
