I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
