I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
