I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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