Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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