Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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