Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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