What a fucking waste of an outfit
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
