Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
