Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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